Alone.
Questions.
Who am I? Where am I going? What have I done that counts? Does anyone care?
What is the purpose of life? of my life? Why am I here? How do I know what i'm supposed to do?
Why don't I hear from God? Why do I long to have close relationships, yet end up feeling so alone because i'm so scared of them? Why all the questions?
Why the crazy emotions? The deep feelings? The random tears? The silent longings? The unknown fears?
Why is it so hard to trust? To open up to others? To allow people to care? To believe in God, others, and myself?
Why, sometimes, are the tears and pain so present, it's all I can do to hold everything back? Yet the next, I feel so numb to everything, I cant feel anything? Why do I long for someone to care, yet deal with getting upset when they actually do? Why, when most people try to talk to me, I feel pressured, and clam up?
Why do I even have pain? I grew up in a christian home with both parents, who love each other and me. I've never been abused. Never lost someone I loved. I've been given many blessings. I should be the most content teen-aged girl out there.
What does my life count for? What have I done in the last 16 years that really matters? That has made a difference? That will count for God? Have I done any good? Benefited anyone? Made a difference anywhere?
If I were to die tomorrow, what would I have to be able to look back on and say, 'That made a difference. That was worthwhile!'?
I don't know and I don't know. I don't have answers to anything. But then again, I guess if I did, they wouldn't be questions anymore:) It's hard for me to be ok with not having answers. But I guess that's part of learning to trust God. What i'm wondering, though, is am I supposed to be ok with these things... these questions? Or am I supposed to get out there and search for answers until I find them? If so, how am I to go about that?
When i find healing in one area of my life, I can walk in that freedom for a while, but then another
unhealed part takes over... How do I continually walk in freedom?
Why don't I hear from God? Why do I long to have close relationships, yet end up feeling so alone because i'm so scared of them? Why all the questions?
Why the crazy emotions? The deep feelings? The random tears? The silent longings? The unknown fears?
Why is it so hard to trust? To open up to others? To allow people to care? To believe in God, others, and myself?
Why, sometimes, are the tears and pain so present, it's all I can do to hold everything back? Yet the next, I feel so numb to everything, I cant feel anything? Why do I long for someone to care, yet deal with getting upset when they actually do? Why, when most people try to talk to me, I feel pressured, and clam up?
Why do I even have pain? I grew up in a christian home with both parents, who love each other and me. I've never been abused. Never lost someone I loved. I've been given many blessings. I should be the most content teen-aged girl out there.
What does my life count for? What have I done in the last 16 years that really matters? That has made a difference? That will count for God? Have I done any good? Benefited anyone? Made a difference anywhere?
If I were to die tomorrow, what would I have to be able to look back on and say, 'That made a difference. That was worthwhile!'?
I don't know and I don't know. I don't have answers to anything. But then again, I guess if I did, they wouldn't be questions anymore:) It's hard for me to be ok with not having answers. But I guess that's part of learning to trust God. What i'm wondering, though, is am I supposed to be ok with these things... these questions? Or am I supposed to get out there and search for answers until I find them? If so, how am I to go about that?
When i find healing in one area of my life, I can walk in that freedom for a while, but then another
unhealed part takes over... How do I continually walk in freedom?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Psalm 6[a]
For the director of music. With stringed instruments. According to sheminith.[b] A psalm of David.
1 Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.
2 Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint;
heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.
3 My soul is in deep anguish.
How long, Lord, how long?
or discipline me in your wrath.
2 Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint;
heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.
3 My soul is in deep anguish.
How long, Lord, how long?
4 Turn, Lord, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.
5 Among the dead no one proclaims your name.
Who praises you from the grave?
save me because of your unfailing love.
5 Among the dead no one proclaims your name.
Who praises you from the grave?
6 I am worn out from my groaning.
All night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears.
7 My eyes grow weak with sorrow;
they fail because of all my foes.
and drench my couch with tears.
7 My eyes grow weak with sorrow;
they fail because of all my foes.
8 Away from me, all you who do evil,
for the Lord has heard my weeping.
9 The Lord has heard my cry for mercy;
the Lord accepts my prayer.
10 All my enemies will be overwhelmed with shame and anguish;
they will turn back and suddenly be put to shame.
for the Lord has heard my weeping.
9 The Lord has heard my cry for mercy;
the Lord accepts my prayer.
10 All my enemies will be overwhelmed with shame and anguish;
they will turn back and suddenly be put to shame.
WoW! this is just what Ive been going through right now. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteHope it helps:) how do u relate to questions like these?
DeleteWow! I didn't even realize till I got done reading it, that I was tearing up.
ReplyDeleteIs... That a good thing +Beth Mast?:) BTW, do I know you?:)
DeleteThese same questions have been going thru my head a lot lately! It's good to know I'm not alone!
ReplyDeleteWow, yeah, I thot I was the only one who thot stuff like this too:) glad to no it might help someone... So, just wondering...how do u deal with it when you have questions like this?
Delete