Thursday, January 5, 2017

On Relationships...

I'm dating. In case you didn't know that :) So the subject of relationships has been on my mind a lot recently. Not only the dating kind, but also relationships with family and friends. I've been realizing more and more how important they are. And how difficult they can be. And how rewarding they are.
 The closer I get to someone, the easier it is to see their flaws and imperfections. And the quicker I tend to let my feelings out on them. They said something rude. I have a sharp comeback. They ignore me. I can do that too! They hurt me. I shut them off and close my heart to them. Why shouldn't I? They've hurt me, they deserve it!
 But that's not the way it should work. It's not about what I get from the relationship, but what I give. It's not about the ways I get hurt, but the ways I give and receive love. And it's not about feelings, it's about a choice.

"Relationships aren't about liking someone when it's fun and easy.
They're about loving them when it's hard and it hurts."

It really doesn't matter if I 'like' the person at the moment; or even if I feel like loving them. If I can choose to love them through everything, that's what is important. If love is a choice, my relationship can go through anything, and come out the other side stronger. But if my relationship is based on whether I feel like loving someone, it isn't very stable. The first storm or bit of pain that comes along breaks the relationship. Because, lets be honest, there are times in every relationship where "I really don't like you!!!" is the truth😊 When I choose love, feelings aren't so important anymore.

A friend of mine once said this of marriage, but I think it applies to other relationships as well,:

 "Marriage is not based on someone being the
absolute "best". It is not even about them being 
the "best one for you". In fact, to base commitment 
on the deepest feelings  of "love" would be to invite 
an issue. As ultimately, a lasting commitment comes 
down to [a choice].                                                        
 This means that the only way for the discontinuation 
thereof, is to no longer choose that individual. And in 
more clear terms, to make a choice to reject them.    
                                     Simultaneously, your [choice]."         
                                                                                            - J.H.

 When we choose to love someone, we put aside feelings. Yes, feelings do follow, but they are not what should make a relationship.

 There's a question that has often bothered me. Why is it so easy for me to see the flaws and react to them the quickest in the people I love the most? Why do I avoid and shut down the quickest to the people who are the most important to me? And about the simplest, most innocent things....
 I've realized that often, the origin of the problem has nothing to do with them. Because they are close to me, it's easy for them to step on things in me, such as insecurities and fears. And often my reaction to them is really only a reaction to what's going on inside. When I don't recognize that, it's easy to take it out on other people. But realizing that makes it easier to look at the big picture when something comes up.

 Relationships are so precious, and something to guard and protect. They are important, in the physical, mental, and spiritual aspects. God created us for relationship. That's why he gave us parents. And siblings. And friends. And He Himself longs for a personal relationship with us. That's why, when those things are missing, there is a void.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either falls down, one can help the other up... Ecclesiastes 4:9-10a

1 comment:

  1. Wow! And the coolest thing is that God is a pro at relationships and He's come through for me so many times in my relationships. ❤😊 keep writing!